Google Gulp Takes a Picture of Your Genetic Profile

by Dr. Hsien-Hsien Lei
Posted December 28, 2007 in DNA Products

Too much salty food this holiday season has made me perpetually thirsty. When I typed [thirst quenching drink] into Google, the first result I got was one for ‘Google Gulp (BETA)™ with Auto-Drink™ (LIMITED RELEASE), a line of "smart drinks" designed to maximize your surfing efficiency by making you more intelligent, and less thirsty.’

Think a DNA scanner embedded in the lip of your bottle reading all 3 gigabytes of your base pair genetic data in a fraction of a second, fine-tuning your individual hormonal cocktail in real time using our patented Auto-Drink™ technology, and slamming a truckload of electrolytic neurotransmitter smart-drug stimulants past the blood-brain barrier to achieve maximum optimization of your soon-to-be-grateful cerebral cortex.

Sounds like the perfect drink! The only way you can get a bottle of Google Gulp is by turning in a Gulp cap to any local retailer. Looks like I’ll have to hit up my sister for one.

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